It's dead letter week on Foolish Notions, just because. Here's no. 1:

Sir,

According to the Law of Conservation of Matter, every atom is continually recycled in the universe and never lost. In other words, we breathe the same atoms as those breathed by Galileo (approx 4.3 x 109 atoms per breath). Similarly, we drink – in every glass of water – some atoms of Adolph Hitler’s urine, while, on a lighter note, we also drink some atoms of Jennifer Lopez’s body fluids (provided they have had sufficient time to disperse). Conversely, Jennifer Lopez is drinking – in every glass of water she swallows – some of my body fluids. I would, therefore, like to ask Jennifer (if, indeed, she is prone to brush over this esteemed organ) if she would like to try the undiluted variety … purely for the purposes of scientific investigation. Of course.

Yours

R.H. Schmitt